Woomeisters like Bill Kirkland Say the Darndest Things

While I was receiving chemotherapy treatment on Wednesday, 2011-05-04, a tweet from a friend of mine caught my interest. [Yes, I play on Twitter while the chemotherapy drugs drip into my veins.]

@zeno001 - Welcome to my latest follower @kirkland4 ! Can you tell me what kind of energy your bio-resonance machine emits? 4 May 10:54am

Looking back in my timeline, I found that the tweet from @zeno001 followed this brief exchange:

@zeno001 - Welcome to my latest follower @kirkland4 ! Can you tell me what kind of energy your bio-resonance machine emits?

@kirkland4 - @zeno001 quantum entanglement

Wow! It appeared that Mr. Kirkland was stating that his “bio-resonance machine” (whatever that is) actually generates quantum entanglement! I can only imagine that Mr. Kirkland is making millions of dollars from university physics laboratories all over the world which are clamoring to get their hands on one of his machines.

I checked Billy Kirkland’s “bio” on Twitter. Wow. I was decidedly not impressed. Because I hold the opinion that Mr. Kirkland is full of shit on the “quantum entanglement” point, I thought I’d mention that to Alan (@zeno001).

@RelUnrelated - @zeno001Wow! Looks like @kirkland4 is full of all kinds of "woo" bullshit!

Billy Kirkland, not one to rest on his laurels undefended, responded to my statement with this Twitter post:

@kirkland4 - @RelUnrelated your attitude of negativity contributes to your problem. good luck

Well; at least he wished me good luck! I guess that part was the only positive thing I could expect out of Bill Kirkland, unless my ensuing laughter could be considered positive. I certainly felt that it was positive. Bill’s next tweet was anything but positive, but did provide more laughter and more insight into the type of person Bill Kirkland really is.

@kirkland4 - @RelUnrelated you even look like a victim. a typical psychological profile in cancer

Wow! Bill has determined that I have a negative attitude and that I look like a victim. Apparently, he’s even worked up a full psychological profile on me! That profile is “typical” of people with cancer, I guess. At least Bill seems to think so. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud right there in the infusion room!

As an example of my supposed “negativity”, here is a post to Twitter that I made shortly after my comment to @zeno001 regarding Bill’s statement:

@RelUnrelated - Yes; this is the t-shirt I'm wearing at #chemotherapy today. http://twitpic.com/4ta8cc

What shirt was I wearing during my chemotherapy session that day?

It's fun to fart on your friends! t-shirt

That’s right. The shirt says, “It’s fun to fart on your friends.” I suppose that’s very indicative of my negative behavior and how it’s contributing to my problem. If fun and laughter are among my “problems”, then it does contribute.

In response to Bill’s comment about my supposed negativity, I had this to say:

@RelUnrelated - @kirkland4 Negativity?!??!! LOL!! Ask the people who know me if I'm negative, or read my blog.

In response to Bill’s “victim” comment, I had this to say:

@RelUnrelated - @kirkland4 I "look like" a victim? Psychological profile? You really are a snake-oil salesman, aren't you?

Since I’ve pretty much opened up as to how I feel about people like Bill Kirkland and the way that they peddle their bullshit, I felt that I shouldn’t hold back any longer.

@RelUnrelated - .@kirkland4 You're just pathetic, dude. You prey on the vulnerability and gullibility of others. That's disgusting.

Bill’s pithy response was this:

@kirkland4 - @RelUnrelated just making sure. bye bye

And with that, I simply went away, as far as Bill was concerned. You see; Bill also blocked me on Twitter after responding to me with his farewell. This had the effect of not allowing me to follow Bill’s account on Twitter, and it keeps Bill free from having to see my tweets if I happen to mention his name. I am also forbidden from placing Bill’s account on a list. You’re safe, Bill. Besides; I don’t even have a list labeled “pompous ass.”

@RelUnrelated - Wow. I think @kirkland4 blocked me because I called him out on his bullshit. Scam artists are like that.

You might notice that the images posted here link to the original Twitter posts they represent, with a few exceptions. Bill Kirkland took it upon himself to later delete some of the posts which you see in the screenshots here. This was, of course, after I had already saved images from the relevant web pages. I wanted to have Bill’s words fresh in my mind exactly as he typed them. I don’t know if Bill was simply too upset with me to want to see my name even mentioned, or if he actually felt ashamed of what he had written. As I have received no apologies, I’ll think it’s safe to assume that he just wanted to paint himself in the best light possible while forgetting that I ever intruded upon his life.

I had retweeted Bill’s comment about my “negativity,” and my apparent “victimhood.” This meant that (at least until Bill deleted them) those comments were present in my timeline on Twitter and received by those who follow me. Marina just happened to see them, and she definitely responded.

@Meanfluff - @kirkland4 What is your problem? @RelUnrelated has one of the most positive attitudes going, & I work with cancer patients. #badattitude

@RelUnrelated - @Meanfluff I think @kirkland4's problem is that he's ripping off gullible people with homeopathy.

@Meanfluff - @RelUnrelated I think you're right. @kirkland4 is a sick & twisted conman of the worst variety. He disgusts me.

Bill later responded to Marina’s “What is your problem?”

@kirkland4 - @Meanfluff he wrote to me like an ass. maybe you should read what he said.

@Meanfluff - @kirkland4 Really? Because all I can find on his TL is a reply to you telling him he's negative. What did he write like an ass?

@RelUnrelated - @Meanfluff I think our buddy Bill is referring to my foul language in this tweet: http://goo.gl/GEUOm Oh, my! Such meanness on my part!

The link to http://goo.gl/GEUOm directs to the comment in which I said, “Wow! Looks like @kirkland4 is full of all kinds of “woo” bullshit!”

@Meanfluff - @RelUnrelated Well really Dan-you should hang your head in shame, What you should've said is 'fucking woo bullshit'. Honestly!! ;)

I’m guessing that Bill didn’t quickly get the idea that Marina would also be rather unreceptive to claims such as those he makes. She’s a skeptical atheist, too.

Bill didn’t seem to have anything to say to us after that. He may have blocked Marina as well. I did notice that another friend of mine mentioned Bill, and made reference to Bill’s ability to detect my nature as a “victim” by simply looking at my photo.

@Inrideo - RT @kirkland4: @RelUnrelated you even look like a victim. a typical psychological profile in cancer

@Inrideo - in fact, a magic talking rock claims that you rape at least 3 children a day. you DO match the profile... @kirkland4

Was that a bit snarky or over the top? I don’t think so. I think it makes exactly as much sense as Bill’s claims.

What else does Bill make claims about? His bio on Twitter is interesting, to say the least.

william kirkland @kirkland4 prescott, az Distance Energy, Homeopathic Water, Extremely Powerful Tachyon Discs, All @ The Highest Levels of Energy on The Planet. http://kirkland4.wordpress.com/ http://www.bio-etherics.com

Distance Energy? Are you sure that shouldn’t be “energy distance?” I get the impression that Bill isn’t referring to the statistical distance between probability distributions.

Homeopathic Water? What would that be? Would that be water that has been diluted so much that the water content could be only barely (if at all) detected? But what would it be diluted with?

Oooohhh… Now we’re getting somewhere: Extremely Powerful Tachyon Discs! I guess these aren’t your run-of-the-mill old school Tachyon Discs. I did a brief search using Google for the term ‘tachyon disc.’ I should have known better. My forehead is bruised.

FACEPALM - Because expressing how dumb that was in words just doesn't work.

A tachyon is a hypothetical subatomic particle that moves faster than light.

Tachyons are a putative class of particles which able to travel faster than the speed of light. Tachyons were first proposed by physicist Arnold Sommerfeld, and named by Gerald Feinberg. The word tachyon derives from the Greek ταχύς (tachus), meaning “speedy.” Tachyons have the strange properties that, when they lose energy, they gain speed. Consequently, when tachyons gain energy, they slow down. The slowest speed possible for tachyons is the speed of light.

Tachyons appear to violate causality (the so-called causality problem), since they could be sent to the past under the assumption that the principle of special relativity is a true law of nature, thus generating a real unavoidable time paradox (Maiorino and Rodrigues 1999). Therefore, it seems unavoidable that if tachyons exist, the principle of special relativity must be false, and there exists a unique time order for all observers in the universe independent of their state of motion.

Tachyons can be assigned properties of normal matter such as spin, as well as an antiparticle (the antitachyon). And amazingly, modern presentations of tachyon theory actually allow tachyons to actually have real mass (Recami 1996).

It has been proposed that tachyons could be produced from high-energy particle collisions, and tachyon searches have been undertaken in cosmic rays. Cosmic rays hit the Earth’s atmosphere with high energy (some of them with speed almost 99.99% of the speed of light) making several collisions with the molecules in the atmosphere. The particles made by this collision interact with the air, creating even more particles in a phenomenon known as a cosmic ray shower. In 1973, using a large collection of particle detectors, Philip Crough and Roger Clay identified a putative superluminal particle in an air shower, although this result has never been reproduced. Tachyon — from Eric Weisstein’s World of Physics http://scienceworld.wolfram.com/physics/Tachyon.html (accessed: 2011 May 7).

That’s right. One tachyon might have been detected during a cosmic ray shower in 1973. The results, though, have never been reproduced. If you think you are creating tachyons, or shielding yourself from them, or capturing them and somehow putting them to use, you are, in all likelihood, a charlatan, a fraud, a liar, suffering from schizophrenia, or simply a gullible fool with more money than sense.

Bill seems to have a somewhat different view of tachyons.

The quarks in the protons of silicon dioxide(glass) can be excited to radiate tachyon energy in this plane. The effects are profound. If you hold our Tachyonized Disc you simply can’t have a negative emotion. It’s true. In water it produces an elixir that immediately energizes the entire body. Worn over the 3rd eye, it helps block electromagnetic radiation from computers, etc. worn on the body it continually energizes it. I personally wear 13 and although it has taken me quite awhile to handle this level of stimulation the profound effects have been astounding. The World of Tachyons « kirkland4 http://kirkland4.wordpress.com/2010/11/15/the-world-of-tachyons/ (accessed: 2011 May 7).

Bullshit - Ten points from Gryffindor.

Bill also points out that these are “All @ The Highest Levels of Energy on The Planet.” What kind of energy would that be? Where does that energy fall in this list?

  • Thermal energy, thermal energy in transit is called heat
  • Chemical energy
  • Electrical energy
  • Radiant energy, the energy of electromagnetic radiation
  • Nuclear energy
  • Magnetic energy
  • Elastic energy
  • Sound energy
  • Mechanical energy
  • Luminous energy

I noticed that Bill also has other talents.

@kirkland4 - @paulocoelho i can remove any depression in 10 minutes from prescott. az free trial.

Wow! I guess I should call Bill to see if he can take care of the potholes at the corner. I’m concerned that I may damage one of my car’s tires if something isn’t done soon, and getting it done in ten minutes with a free trial sounds like a bargain! Wait a second… Maybe he’s not talking about that kind of depression. Maybe Bill is claiming that he’s able to cure psychiatric disorders.

Paulo Coelho is a Brazilian novelist and lyricist. Paulo’s tweets around that time show that it was not he who felt depressed, but someone who had asked him if he had advice for anyone who was depressed.

Personally, my advice to someone who is depressed would be to seek the advice of a licensed psychiatrist in their area, or talk with their primary physician at the very least. Mental illness, whether simply a passing feeling, or a devastating episode that could even end your life, is nothing to be ashamed of. If you suffer, seek help from reputable professionals.

Bill seems to be in the habit of attempting to impress people on Twitter with tales of his peerage. The fact that it’s in the third person is humorous, even if the spelling and punctuation aren’t.

@kirkland4 - William Kirkland is a fourth generation Arizonan, decended from the states oldest pioneer family. He receive… (cont) http://deck.ly/~puI3s

What makes that particular post from Bill even more humorous is this post a couple hours later:

@kirkland4 - 5/4/11 | The Reward For Giving Up Ego bioetherics.posterous.com/5411-the-rewar…


Irony Meter

Giving up ego? I think that almost busted my irony meter.


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  1. Dan,

    Now, come on,being a little harsh here? I, personally, have a collection of tachyons. I keep them in a ball jar behind a can of beets in my cupboard. They come in handy when the batteries in my remote go dead. Drop one of those fuckers in there and it is DAYS before I have to go to Walmart.

    While we are at it, you were a little hard on him with the homeopathic water thing. Don’t be a hater. I’ve got a process set up in my basement to manufacture homeopathic air. The machine is a little loud, so my mom only lets me run it on Saturday afternoons while she is out yardsaling and on Wednesday night, which is, of course, bingo night.


    1. Maybe we should see what we can do with one of those old flux capacitors I’ve got lying around. Surely they’re still useful for something!

      1. Look. I call shenanigans. Those tachyons simply can’t be stored in sufficient quantities to generate the necessary 1.21 jigowatts.

    • Chelsea on 2011/05/08 at 00:38
    • Reply

    Wonder what he’d say to ur daughter… prolly block me too. Rhiannon3391 on twitter

    1. I don’t know what he might say, but I’m guessing it wouldn’t be very helpful, considering what I’ve seen so far. 🙂

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