Jul 11 2009

Accomodation? Okay — I’m Convinced. I’m Giving In.

There have been many posts recently in various places around the blogosphere about Accommodation. Heck, some of them have been here! At any rate, I think it may be time for me to finally give in and say “Okay” to accommodation. Yes, I know; it’s unexpected, and probably quite out of character for me, but I’ve finally come around.

It is definitely time for accommodation. Religious groups have held sway over the minds and lives of billions of people for thousands of years, and now that we atheists are growing in numbers, it’s time for the religious to compromise their ideals and make accommodations for us.

Since atheists, unlike religious people, have no “leader”, I have taken it upon myself to begin preparing a list of demands which will be presented to the religious people of the world with which they should comply in order to appropriately accommodate atheism. This is only a preliminary list, of course. I will have to consult with various other atheists in order to get more conclusive demands which will have to be met. My first daunting task is to convince others that accommodation is the best way for atheism to gain the respect it deserves from the religious world. I’m certain that it won’t be easy. So many of my atheist compatriots have been so sure that accommodation would be a step backward for us. It will be an uphill battle, but I will strive to do my best to spread the word.

Atheist Accommodation Demands

No More Door-to-Door Proselytizing
Most religious groups have had hundreds of years (at least!) in which to spread the word of their religion. If people haven’t heard about you yet, maybe you could take out an ad in local papers welcoming new members. Throw in a nice welcoming gift like a free toaster and I bet you’ll have them lining up at the door come Sunday morning. The rest of us don’t want to interrupt our rituals to the Dark Lord (Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!) relaxing afternoon to answer the door, only to be faced with someone who wants to do everything they can to save our eternal souls. We’ve heard it before. It didn’t work then, and it’s not going to work now.
You Cannot Refer to Your Religion as the One True Religion
There are too many religions out there for each and every one of them to be the “one true” one. You can’t all have it, and none of you will agree on a single group to be “it”, so none of you get to lay claim to it.
You Can No Longer Refer to the United States of America as “A Christian Nation”
We’ve been over this again and again. There is no official religion in this country. The Ten Commandments do not supersede the Bill of Rights. The founding fathers of this country were Deists, not Christians. As for Norway: You’re next. It’s time to give it up already.
Your Cannot Attempt to Legislate Your Religious Ideas
Let’s go over this just one more time. Your religion has specific rules which you are supposed to abide by. These rules are for you. They are not for the rest of us, since we aren’t members of your religion. Rules like “Thou shalt not kill” are not specific to only your religion. Things like that are pretty much a good idea. Rules like “Thou shalt have no other gods before me” are not something the rest of us need or want. Creationism is another idea that’s not allowed to be made a part of everyone’s life. Changing its name isn’t going to work either. Science class is for science, not religion. If you want your idea to be seen as science, then it has to pass muster like other things that want to be called science. Play by the rules, have your idea tested and peer-reviewed. If it gains acceptance as science by people who understand science, you might have a chance.
You Cannot Call Abortion “Murder”
Murder has legal definitions which vary slightly from state to state, but abortion is not included in those definitions. Abortion is legal in this country. Get over it.
You Cannot Choose Prayer over Medical Treatment For Your Children
Modern medicine has scientific evidence proving its efficacy. Prayer doesn’t. If you want to pray your bunions away, feel free to do so. If your child is gravely ill and you refuse life-saving medicine for him or her, choosing prayer in its place, you will deserve every bit of the scorn and derision you receive from the others in your cell block in prison.

2 comments

  1. YES. THEY should accommodate US. For fuck’s sake, we’re the minority. Why the hell are we, the minority that’s purely the side of science, accommodating THEM, who are in the majority? They’re the ones imposing their crazy beliefs on everyone else!

  2. Lovely. Having a snark tag is so useful, isn’t it?

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